It always strikes me, when speaking to people about their goals that so many rest their future happiness or success on others.

Very often we think that things will be better if only ‘so and so’ would do this or when ‘such and such’ has completed that. More often than not goals are set around what will be better for someone else and we therefore hope that when this other person gets where we want them to be; our lives in-turn will be better, we concentrate our energies on others and wonder ‘why?’ when they don’t come to fruition.

I have in the past often been guilty of this myself, thinking of what I want out of life in relation to others and setting goals that involve pushing and motivating someone else to where I want them to be. Without doubt these goals are intended to make all our lives better but in reality we are less likely to succeed partly because our views, beliefs, wants and needs will invariably be different to other peoples.

So how can we make sure we have more chance of accomplishing what ‘we’ want out of life?

Below are 5 tips for making sure that you concentrate your efforts in the right areas to create the life you deserve.

Tip 1
Think about goals in relation to yourself – stop for a moment and act as if there is no-one else to think about but you. What do you want out of life? What are your dreams? It doesn't mean that these things can’t include someone else, but what is it that you actually want. How do you want to be? What do you want to be doing?

Tip 2
Remember, we are all individuals; each and every one of us has our own different perspective on life. What is yours? Where do your values and beliefs come from? Are you aware of what actually makes you tick or are you considering yourself in relation to someone else. Take some time to look at what your blueprint of life is and what goals you have that fit with this. If you are unsure you can take a simple values elicitation exercise to help you work out what matters most to you in life. Click here for more information and for a simple values elicitation exercise.

Tip 3
Change has to come from within. We can’t change other people; we can only change ourselves. Once we recognise this we can start to look at what we want to change in order to get ourselves to where we want to be and start taking the steps necessary to get us there. It’s in making changes ourselves that others will adjust themselves accordingly. Concentrate on setting the path that you want to take.

Tip 4
Empower yourself. When we strive to complete things for other people or push them in a certain direction; we take away their power. This can lead to resentment on both sides. How can you look at finding your own power? Lead by example and your own confidence and self-esteem will increase. What can you do to increase your own confidence in certain areas? Others are then more likely to follow your lead.

Tip 5
Ask yourself what are the hidden benefits in concentrating on someone else. What are you avoiding for yourself? Think about why you want certain things. What’s behind pushing someone else? Become aware of you and what you want and recognise your thoughts. There are usually hidden benefits to concentrating on others rather than yourself. It could be that you avoid facing your own fears or that you gain a sense of purpose. When you find the hidden benefits to yourself for putting all your efforts into others you can then work out how you can receive the same benefits from succeeding at your own personal goals.

Take a ‘Fresh Approach’ to your goals and your life.

Step 1
On a piece of paper write down all the things that you want to achieve in your life. Remember these things are for you. Imagine that you are able to do whatever you want, whenever you want. What would you do? Where would you be? Concentrate only on the things you want and not on the excuses, if any, that you may usually make when thinking about yourself. Where are you? Who are you with? What can you see yourself doing?

Step 2
Once you have this list you will start to see how you could possibly be living your life and setting your goals according to others. You may also start to come up with reasons as to why you can’t work towards these goals. Think about these ‘reasons’ – what excuses are you making? What are you avoiding? Where might you be giving your power to others? Now, take a new look at your goals, and reset them, taking into consideration what you have discovered. With this fresh perspective and the benefit of hindsight what actions are you now going to put in motion to create your success?

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