3 Steps to Great Communication.

How many times have you had a conversation with someone and walked away thinking or feeling that it could have gone better? How often do you get frustrated and feel as though you haven’t been listened to? A lack of or incomplete communication is the cause of most problems within relationships, whether they are personal or professional.

When you learn to communicate well, you will easily be able to overcome any problem. Once you recognise the rules of communication, and start to apply them to your relationships you will discover that you will be able to understand one another’s views and reach agreements much more effectively than ever before.

There are three main parts to communication. The first of which, require the use of listening skills, listening to yourself as well as others. One of the first factors to enjoying good communication is being understood. The quality of your communication depends upon the way it is received. Words have multiple meanings, what you mean to say may not be what is heard. Therefore, by paying attention to what you are saying and noticing the reactions of the other person, either through words or body language you can check what is actually being received. When you check regularly for understanding you are able to easily make adjustments to what you are saying and communicate your thoughts or feelings correctly.

The second part to effective communication is the way you understand the other person. Becoming aware of the way in which you receive information. This is about paying attention to the other person. Using your listening skills to ensure that you are recognising what the other person is intending to portray. When you become open to other people’s points of view and give them time and space to think, you open up possibilities to them to be able to relax and communicate better in return. Checking for understanding enables them to adjust the way they communicate with you. Explore this by asking questions, helping you check that you have understood them correctly and give them the opportunity to rephrase what they are saying or fill in any gaps.

The third element is controlling the content and flow of the conversation. Decide in advance the purpose of the conversation and plan to achieve it. By sticking to the issue in hand you won’t get sidetracked and will be able to make decisions and resolve conflicts much more easily. Be clear and to the point, discussing the issue and not the person. Start your sentences with ‘I’ and not you. “I feel like this, when you...” that way you own the response that you have and are not blaming the other person.

When we communicate with others we often forget to employ all three of these elements. When you take some time to practise these three main points you will greatly improve your ability to communicate with others and find that conflict can be resolved quickly and effortlessly. It is impossible to make someone else change, if you change the way that you communicate with them, they will be more open to your point of view and change their response and behaviour accordingly.

A good way to start to apply these elements is to practise taking the time to listen to one another, giving each other a set period of time to talk, without interruption, and then ask questions to check your understanding swopping over, so that each of you has an equal chance to have your say, be heard and understood. Make it a rule that you will only discuss the matter in hand and that you will only discuss one thing at a time. Start with smaller things, until you get the hang of it and you will be communicating better in no time.